To define shame, it is quite difficult to do. Although it is a healthy human power, it is sometimes a real disease of the soul. Shame is an emotion that can be felt as a result of a comparison between your actual actions and your standard of action. This can also happen when comparing one’s actions with social norms. Although shame is an emotion, it can be expressed through the thought process, emotional state or affection of a person.
There are two appearances of shame. The first type of shame is healthy and nutritious shame; that allow the person to progress and advance, has the ability to teach him his mistakes; and that doesn’t push the person in the corner. On the other hand, there is another form of shame that is toxic by nature. As the name implies, it destroys life and is pathological. This leads a person to isolation; It does not let the person progress rather than retreat. A person who feels toxic shame even begins to deny themselves. Toxic shame tends to hide the true self of an individual and cover himself. Therefore, it is essential for a person to recognize the different faces of shame and their behavioral dissimulations such as hopelessness or the irremediable because of defects, errors or failures. defective; of a circulatory nature when acting on internalized shame, then ashamed of the shameful facts; as spiritual bankruptcy; grandiosity; narcissism; paranoid; self-alienation and isolation.
When we talk about curing toxic shame, the most important suggestion is that it should be cured with the help of a support system such as a reliable therapist, a support group, self-help books, etc. an effective support system, it is necessary to externalize and eradicate the belief in shameful lies that toxic shame had told the person all his life. These lies can include statements like “I’m not good at all,” “I’m totally flawed and I can’t do anything about it,” “I can’t change my past, so it’s useless to do it.” an effort “, etc. Such lies, a person is controlled by toxic shame and exploits his life through it. Therefore, the first task is to get rid of the control that these lies have over the person. It also requires constant reflection. , stimulating and regular The emotional damage caused by these toxic lies must also be cured, which can be done by letting the affected person go through a cathartic process, teaching him emotional regulation skills and alternative thinking strategies.
Another shameful healing technique is to allow a person to regain control of his true self. This process consists of three steps. The first step is to release the true being. The person must be taught to release his true self, which has been hidden due to toxic shame. The second step is to release control of the false self. At this point, the person is empowered to get rid of the false that his toxic shame has used to hide his ideas in recent years. This step can be a bit difficult for the person because their fake person protects them from the pain of toxic shame. He needs to trust his true self at this point. The third and final step of the process is called embracing the lost inner being. The person can release his hidden being, but when it comes to accepting his side, it becomes difficult for him.
However, this step is crucial for shameful healing. Acceptance is the key to achieving peace and dealing with oneself and the past hurts, which may or may not be responsible.